Amber

I was sceptical, but the amber necklace I bought from Dino-Daisy seems to be working. Daughter hasn't been nearly as croddly since she's been wearing it and those infectious little chuckles are becoming increasingly numerous as a result.

With teething 'on hold', as it were, for the moment, I'm trying to build on the success we had with the Johnson's Sleep Challenge by gently encouraging Daughter to go to sleep on her own. So now, she has a bath, we do the baby massage - which used to be the high point of the evening but is now a bone of contention as it means bath-time is finished - and then I take her to the bedroom for a bottle. I make sure she's awake when I put her down in the cot and keep a hand on her chest, breathing heavily so she can hear me as I do, until she stops grumping, then I say goodnight and sit down to read my book. If she grumps again, I go back and keep my hand on her chest until the grumping stops again but I try to avoid eye contact as I do so and I don't say anything so that she knows it isn't awake time any more.

I don't know if the heavy breathing helps, but I know that if I can't sleep, I tune into Husband's breathing and by concentrating on following that, I soon drop off. It seems to be the same for Daughter but I don't have any scientific or anecdotal proof to back my weird little theory up.

I'm going to have to take her to the health visitor in the next few weeks and I'm a bit nervous. Last time we went for a weigh in, Daughter had dropped a percentile curve and in the 6 weeks between visits, had only gained 600g. Since then, I've started giving her bottles, baby rice and mush, so I really don't know how her weight is going to be when I go back. She's only 18 weeks too, so I'm a little nervous about admitting that I've started with big foods already. Also, the health visitor is the one who encouraged me to keep feeding through my mastitis and was so pleased that I'd managed to keep it up for so long. I know it's her job to advocate breast-feeding, but she really seemed to care that Daughter got the best. And having worked in health-care, I know how hard it is to keep up the enthusiasm around preaching the right, but difficult option - I don't want to upset anyone.

I know I've done the best for Daughter and me by stopping - a rough night of relentless feeding yesterday proved it - but I still don't want other people who've been really supportive to feel that I've let them down. Especially when they clearly care...

Aside from anything else, it's pride that's stopping me from going. I like to learn things on my own - I didn't get on well at school because everything was spoon-fed to me and I found that boring - which, I guess, is another reason I don't like the childcare books. I'm learning though, to take help when it's available. My pride doesn't like it, but every other aspect of my life does!

Day 7

And thus the 'Johnson's sleep challenge' is complete.

Last night was absolutely magic. No tears at bath time, no tears during the baby massage. Daughter fell asleep in my arms, went down for an  hour, then woke up. She calmed easily, then I put her down drowsy and left her to go off. I'll definitely be continuing this routine, challenge or no, as it really seems to work.

Sceptical as I was at first, I can definitely see why this series of actions has the desired effect. Everything about getting baby ready for bed is centred around love and intimacy, and as the night time is the longest that baby is away from you, I see it almost as a fuelling-up on attention and company until the following morning. Sure, the nice warm bath is great, as is the massage, but I think that ultimately, all Daughter wants before she goes off to sleep is to feel safe, secure and loved. I mean, don't we all? I certainly know that if I were so small and vulnerable that I'd want all the snuggles I could get.

I think people forget, as I've said before, that when they're dealing with babies they're actually dealing with tiny people. I have frequent arguments with folk about the 'cry it out' technique - also known as the Ferber Method. In my eyes, it's just barbaric. I explain my dislike of it by telling people to imagine that they're abroad with no money, no food, no passport and no tickets home. 'Crying it out' to me, is like being left unable to explain your predicament to anyone, yet instead of trying to help you, the locals just ignore you, and leave you to your own troubles.

It is such a comfort to have  found an alternative that so far, appears to work.

Day 6

Another rough night. Not for lack of trying though.

For over 4 hours, we battled to get Daughter to sleep in her own bed but every time I put her down, she started crying. Every time Dad put her down, we'd get a two minute respite before the tears began again. I would say that I persevered through it until the end, but there was no end - just an alarm clock at 7.30am.

In fairness, she did spend the time she was awake last night feeding, so perhaps a growth spurt is imminent. The lack of sleep, however, has really taken its toll on me and I am determined tonight that my little monster will kip in her own bed. I know she's not doing it to be naughty, and that it's possibly my fault for the debacle in the car when I was out with Granddad, but it's wearing all the same.

Day 4

Sceptical but silent, tonight's bath was rather more of a success than usual. The massage caused the standard howls, but new to this evening's line up was a spate of tears when Daughter was presented with her bottle.

I don't care though. Today, I got my first laugh and as a result, it has been the best day of my life so far. I've heard Daughter squeal with delight before, but this was a dopey 'huh huh huh' sort of a sound, made in the back of her throat. She has a lower voice than most babies I've heard. I'm hoping that this will lead to a lovely, silky tone when she's older but only time will tell.(I'm still giddy as I'm typing this - if it doesn't come across in my writing, you have to imagine the above gush blurted in an Alyson Hannigan-American Pie sort of way)

The glorious chuckle came as I was spinning her in circles, saying, 'weeee,' as we went. Rest assured that tomorrow, there'll be a whole lot of that going on.

Day 3

So the books might have been right about putting baby down whilst drowsy instead of asleep. After 7 hours of uninterrupted kip, I had to wake Daughter up because I thought my boobs were going to pop.

So, we try again tonight, and see if it was just a fluke.

It was fairly eye-opening, having to get Daughter to feed during the night. Up until now, I'd always thought of the relationship in terms of her being dependant on me, but that really isn't the case. I rely on her just as much.

Which is why the fact that I've started weaning her onto bottles in earnest now was a little hard to swallow at 2am. Don't get me wrong - I am having SO much fun with the baby rice, and I'm loving the intimacy that the bottle affords me - but from a purely physical perspective, we will never need each other again once this is over. Of course, emotionally it's very different, but it's still one tie I will never get back.

I'm not going to stop weaning her, but I will slow down. I aim to have her solely bottle feeding in time for our holiday in October. Until then, I will do what I can to enjoy the last vestiges of breast feeding.

Johnson's Baby sleep challenge.

When I feed Daughter, I tend to watch various TV shows over the Internet. In the ad breaks for these shows, I am often told to try the Johnson's Baby sleep challenge.

So, sleep deprived and desperate, I decided to look at the site. In honesty, it's a fairly poor design - things are hidden away that I'd like to be in clear view and the message seems to be the same as what Mum told me; bath, bottle, bed. The difference being that in order to sell more Johnson's sleep products, they've switched the bottle for a baby massage.

But what the hell, right? I figured I'd try it - sans expensive toiletries - and what do you know? It worked. I will keep it up for the suggested 7 days and see how we go.